The night right after the release, I couldn't sleep very well. Even after getting into bed, I couldn't let go of my smartphone and kept opening the app dashboard over and over. Were downloads increasing? Were sales happening? Were reviews coming in? Every time I refreshed the screen, I'd see the numbers move just a little, and with a feeling I couldn't quite call "good" or "not yet," I'd refresh again. I continued this kind of night for several weeks after the release. This article is the story of how I, in such a state, decided one morning to "stop looking at the numbers." What happened after that, what changed and what didn't. If you're doing individual development, you might have had similar experiences. It's not a grand story, just a small one, but I felt like writing it down.
The first few days were purely joyful
The day I released it, I was truly happy. An app I'd spent months creating had finally gone out into the world. When there were 10 downloads on the first day, thinking that someone I didn't know was using something I'd made, my chest warmed gently.
But that feeling didn't last as long as I expected.
The next morning, when I opened the dashboard right after waking up, it had only increased by one since last night. For some reason, the joy from yesterday seemed to fade a little. I tried to think "at least it increased by one," but somehow it felt insufficient. At that moment, I didn't realize for the first time that "numbers" were beginning to influence my mood.
Until the "checking habit" was formed
By about a week after release, opening the dashboard had become a complete habit. When I woke up in the morning, after lunch, during work breaks, before bed at night. At most, I think I was checking it more than 10 times a day.
At first, I told myself "let's use this for marketing reference." I tried to analyze what time of day it increased, where it was coming from, and really study it. But to be honest, after a while that didn't matter anymore, and checking whether the numbers were moving became the sole purpose.
If the numbers went up, I felt a little relieved. If they stayed the same, I'd panic. If they went down, I'd feel depressed. That was the cycle.
Three weeks after release, one night I suddenly thought, "Come to think of it, I haven't been writing code lately."
There were several things I wanted to fix in the next version, and I'd written them down in notes. I had feature ideas too. But for some reason, my hands wouldn't move. I think the biggest reason was that I was spending too much time and energy staring at download numbers every night.
I'd become a "watcher" instead of a "maker"
I realized this later, but back then I wasn't a "maker"—I was a "watcher."
I was staring at the dashboard, trying to read the movement of numbers. "Why did it increase on this day?" "Where did this user come from?" But without getting answers, I'd stare at the numbers again the next day. Instead of outputting something, I was just accumulating time trying to input.
Before I knew it, the feeling of "I want to make this" that I had when making the app had gone somewhere.
Small anxieties pile up
When sales weren't growing as much as I'd hoped, I naturally started looking at SNS. I'd see posts from other individual developers reporting "Achieved monthly revenue of ○○○ yen!" I'd think "that's amazing," and then compare it to my own numbers.
I knew comparing didn't make sense. Everyone's apps, user bases, release timing—it's all different. But even though my head understood that, my mood would still sink properly.
It was a tough period. I hadn't stopped making things, but I didn't have the sense that I was actually creating something.
One morning, just as I was about to open the dashboard right after getting up, I suddenly thought, "Maybe I won't open it today."
There was no particular reason. I was just a little tired that morning, and the thought of looking at numbers and getting excited or discouraged again felt bothersome. It's a bit funny that the feeling of "bothersome" pushed me forward, but that day I really didn't open it.
I made just one rule
The next day I decided "I won't open it today either," and instead made a small rule: "I'll only look at the dashboard once a week."
For the first 2-3 days, the force of habit made my hand reach for my phone many times. But every time I tried to open the app, I'd remember "today is a day I'm not looking," and I'd close the home screen. Repeating that, the number of times my hand reached out gradually decreased.
I didn't do anything dramatic like digital detox. I just reduced how often I checked. That alone made me feel much better.
When the time I spent not looking at numbers increased, a void appeared.
At first, I wasn't sure what to fill that void with. But after a while, I naturally found myself reading back through the notes I'd written about "things I want to fix next." There was no sense of obligation. I just saw something I wanted to do, so I thought I'd try it.
I could feel "interesting" again for the first time in a while
Once I started writing code, two hours passed in a flash.
I wasn't thinking about numbers at all. I'd think "if I do it this way, will it work?" and try it, and the small sense of accomplishment when it worked felt good for the first time in a while. I thought, "Ah, this is it." This was the feeling I loved.
Not how many downloads there were, or how much the sales were—just the fact that this code worked. That alone was enough to make me happy.
"Numbers for making" and "numbers for burning out"
After some time had passed, my relationship with numbers changed a little.
When I looked at the dashboard once a week, instead of asking "what's happening?" I started looking with the question "is there a hint for what to do next?" If users suddenly increased on a certain day, what happened? Is a particular feature not being used? Looking from that perspective, numbers felt less like "evaluation" and more like "information."
Not everything went smoothly. Even now, when sales don't grow for several weeks in a row, my mood can sink. But I'm no longer refreshing every night like I used to.
To be honest about what changed after I stopped looking at numbers—nothing that dramatic happened.
Downloads didn't suddenly spike, and sales didn't skyrocket. I just started enjoying making things again. That's all.
But I think that was the most important thing.
When you feel like you're being swallowed by numbers
Compared to the period when I was refreshing numbers every night and amplifying my anxiety, increasing the time I spent writing code and thinking "it works" was absolutely better for me. I'm not trying to say numbers aren't everything. Sales matter, and I want to know if users are actually using it. But I think what I was doing every night wasn't analysis—it was just checking my anxiety.
If you feel like you're falling into a similar habit, try "just once a week." Your hand will reach out for the first few days, but as you repeat it, things change. That alone made me feel much better.
I'm glad I wrote this, even though it's a small story
While writing this article, I was remembering my past self. That period when I couldn't let go of my phone every night. If I could tell that version of myself "try making it just once a week," it might have made things a little easier.
If there's someone having a similar experience, I wanted to tell them that it's normal to go through a period like that. I'm not trying to push an answer on anyone, and I don't think this is the right solution, but I'd be happy if it was helpful to someone.
I'm rooting for all of you who keep creating.
Lily (@bokuwalily) — Individual developer. Making iOS apps and web services in tandem with AI
