When I started development, I was so excited. Before I knew it, I found myself reluctant to even open the tab for my own project. "I thought I started this because I loved it, so why does it feel so heavy?" Even as I thought that, I couldn't quite understand the reason. I blamed myself, tried to change my mood, and yet I kept my distance from the project anyway. This essay is something Lily, who had this kind of experience, wrote honestly. It's not about solutions or tips for maintaining motivation. I simply wanted to share, at face value, that "cooling off" and what came after.
The Heat of That Night
I started making it one night when an idea suddenly occurred to me. A simple motivation: "This would be convenient if it existed."
The first few days were just fun. I'd plan to work a little before bed and realize two hours had passed. I'd wake up and immediately check yesterday's progress. I had a clear image of the finished product in my head, and the feeling of moving toward it was purely satisfying.
I think anyone who continues with personal projects definitely remembers this kind of excitement. Without anyone asking you to, you find yourself working late into the night, your hands moving on their own. That feeling. I thought, "I'm going to finish this properly." I really did think that.
Change Comes Quietly
I think I first noticed the change about three weeks into development.
The excitement from that night was gradually fading. But I didn't clearly realize I'd "cooled off." I just found myself hesitating for a moment before opening the project. Maybe I'd finish other things first. Maybe I'd do it tomorrow because I was tired today.
Before I knew it, nearly a week had passed without touching anything.
I was aware I was procrastinating, so one day I decided to face it properly. "Why don't I want to open it?"
I Made a List of Reasons I Didn't Want to Do It
I wrote down everything I could think of on paper.
- The work has turned out to be more mundane than expected
- To realize the initial idea, I have to think about unexpected aspects
- The image of the finished product has gradually crumbled
- I found out that similar services already exist
- Honestly, I'm not even sure if I really "want to use" this myself
When I wrote it out, there was quite a lot. And every single point was genuinely honest. I'd been trying to tell myself "lack of motivation is just laziness" or "I should love this more," but when I wrote it out honestly, there were plenty of reasons to feel discouraged.
The Most Impactful Was the Fact That "Something Similar Already Exists"
Among them, what really struck me was the discovery that "a similar service already existed."
A little while after I started developing, I happened to come across it. Not exactly the same, but quite close to my idea. When I thought, "If this exists, is there any point in making it?" something deflated inside me with a soft hiss.
Looking back now, I think that's when the air started slowly leaking out of my passion. I didn't want to compete with anyone, but the question "Does it make sense to be a latecomer?" took up permanent residence in the corner of my mind. Every time I worked, that question would poke at me quietly.
I was aware that my enthusiasm had cooled. Still, I didn't quit. The reason was that I didn't really understand why I should quit either.
I wondered if "it's become boring" was a valid reason to quit. But when I looked back at why I'd wanted to make this in the first place, I realized that beyond "it seemed interesting," there was also "I wanted to see if I could make it." Even as the fun faded, the interest in the question "Can I see this through?" remained, just a little. That was the only thin thread keeping me going.
To be honest, there was probably also a small part of me that didn't want to add another "quit halfway through" to my track record. I wanted the achievement of completing something. That's not a noble motivation, but I think that's okay now. You don't need a grand reason to keep going.
I Switched My Goal to Just "Getting It Done"
I shifted from thinking "I want to make something good" to "I just want to shape it into something, once."
It didn't have to be perfect. I didn't have to show it to anyone. I just wanted to take it through one full cycle with my own hands.
Strangely, I became able to move a little. Maybe without the heat, I wasn't forcing it. The hesitation of "Is this right?" or "Isn't there a better way?" decreased, and I could focus on just trying things. When you have a lot of heat, it can actually get in the way. The weight of "I must make something perfect" might have been what was stopping my hands.
I Drastically Reduced the Scope
Another thing that was significant for me was drastically narrowing the scope.
The finished product I'd imagined at first had lots of features packed in. "It would be convenient if we could do that too," "I want to include this as well"—the concept kept expanding. But when I decided "I don't need all of it, let's call it complete once this works," I suddenly saw the finish line.
When the goal is too far away, you can't even tell if you're making progress. Even if you work a little every day, if you can't see what percentage of completion you're at, it gradually becomes disheartening. When I moved the goal closer, the small daily progress finally felt like real forward movement.
The Repetition of "Just This Today"
I also stopped trying to make big progress every day toward completion.
I started breaking the work into extremely small chunks: "Just this one screen today," "Just this one feature working today is enough." Once I can see the end, I can finally start. Once I start, sometimes I make more progress than expected. When you lack heat, lowering the barrier to that first step is everything.
I Learned I Can Create Even When I'm Not "In Love" With It
After various twists and turns, when I finally reached something like completion, to be honest, I felt almost no sense of exhilaration or "I did it!" What I felt was a quiet sense of accomplishment. Just "Ah, it's done."
But that turned out to be not so bad. In fact, it felt like something deep remained.
The biggest takeaway was learning in my own body that "I can create even without heat." It wasn't that heat made creation possible. Even without heat, if there's a reason, I can move. After this experience, my trust in my own way of creating changed a little.
Motivation goes up and down. There probably aren't that many projects that are fun all the time. It's natural for things to cool off, and what matters is whether you have your own way of dealing with it.
Even If Something Similar Exists, There's Still Meaning in Me Making It
There's one more thing I realized after finishing development.
That fact of "a similar service already exists," which initially deflated me so much—now I see it completely differently.
The existence of something similar means there's demand in that direction. And the learning and experience I gain from making it can't be taken away by existing services. In personal projects, what remains in me after making it might be far more valuable than the value of the finished product. I didn't need to think from the start that "it's meaningless unless I make something unique for someone."
That project still exists quietly somewhere. I don't know if anyone is using it. I'm a little afraid to look at the numbers, so I haven't really checked properly.
But it exists. I think that's enough for now.
Next time I make something new, I'm sure I'll have the same experience. The initial excitement will quietly settle down, it will become a hassle, and a moment will come when I think about quitting. At that moment, I think I can tell myself, "Cooling off doesn't mean the end." Just that alone makes a difference in how I move forward.
Personal projects aren't something you're forced to do, so of course you have the freedom to quit. If the heat completely disappears, quitting is a valid choice. But quitting just because things have cooled off might be a little wasteful. Beyond moving forward in that cooled state, there might be an answer waiting that's uniquely yours.
I'm rooting for your project, you who read this essay.
Lily (@bokuwalily) — Personal developer. Making iOS apps and web services in tandem with AI.
